The Day They Ran Out of Swabs

So, today a DFCS employee came to the daycare and took a DNA sample from our little Sugar Ray as we seek to confirm who his father is. We actually have two men that have been named as his dad and this sample will at least help us to know if one of them is or isn't. If not, we will test again. If neither of the tests yields a positive result, then his name will put in the newspaper to see if someone claims him as their son.

I can't even wrap my head and heart around that reality - that we are having to look for his father. It breaks my heart and makes me shake my head. The truth is he isn't the only one who has not been claimed by a father. There are so many like him including his brother. Last week, we went to the DFCS office where there is an appointed time twice a month for these tests to be administered in Muscogee County. And the lobby was full of children. Children without known fathers.

This visit ended in frustration as they came out after about 30 minutes of waiting to tell us they had run out of swabs. Really?! I'm not sure how that even happens in their business and with something so important. But I am grateful that God somehow put his hand on my mouth, my mind and my heart and allowed me to walk out of the office calm and patient for the wait. Thinking about the test happening like it did today - without me there - God may have been protecting me. As much as we have been exposed to over the last year, this process just gets me on a deeper level. I may have cried right there in that office because that is not how it is supposed to be. A baby shouldn't have to give a DNA sample to know who his father is.

It's one of those things that punches me in the gut and I think a lot of that is because it is so different from my own experience. I never questioned who my dad was - I always knew and he was always there. I never had to go out searching for him, he found me. I was secure in him. Never a question or a doubt and for that I am grateful.

It shakes me to my core because it is so different from how God intended it to be. The Scripture is filled with references where God seeks out his children. From the very beginning in the garden, to sending Jesus to draw us nearer, to the parables of the Prodigal Son and the Lost Sheep and Coin - God is always searching, always seeking to claim us as His own. And that brings me encouragement in the midst of this brokenness.

God is searching and seeking and finding our Sugar Ray, his brothers and all of us no matter where we are. And there is nothing that will stop the search - not our doubts, our mistakes and not even fathers who don't have the strength for whatever reason to look for their children. Sugar Ray has a Heavenly Father and so do we. And as we wait on these results, that's more than enough for us.